Reuben Tells You Why Your Favorite Comedian Sucks, Part 1: Carlos Mencia
Don't even try to argue with me, he sucks. He's what my friends and I refer to as 'having his moments,' which is code for not absolutely terrible, but painful to watch anyway because of how awful he is 98.4% of the time. My stool is funnier than Mencia that he is on his best day (and he doesn't have a whole lot of best days). Occaisionally he gets a little chuckle out of me, but rarely, and usually it's because how ridiculously untalented he is. Don't believe me? Let me break it down for you:
1. Every joke has the same ending
'Hey, it's funny cuz I said beaner! Get it?' Oh yes, we get it. We got it the last time you told that joke, cuz it's the only joke you ever use. Every joke you tell ends with either the word 'beaner' or an impression of one of your Mexican family members. Didn't see that one coming. Also, after you finish a punchline you turn to the audience and say something like, 'Oh, that's offensive Carlos' in a falsetto voice and quickly follow it with, 'Hey, I'm telling it like it is.' Awesome, good for you. Now please shut the fuck up. You are not the savior of free speech in America. You have a job because Dave Chappelle went bat-shit insane in South Africa a few weeks before he was to start his next season. Comedy Central needed a racial comedian quick, and they couldn't afford Chris Rock and George Lopez already has a show. So they hired you. You beaner.
2. Every joke has the same premise
Somewhere in the middle of every Mencia joke has a line similar to this: 'Can you imagine a Mexican in this situation?' Yes I can, and I'm sure they'd have a stereotypically Mexican response like you have attributed to them in every possible situation. 'Can you imagine a Mexican getting pulled over by a cop in South-Central? AI MIOS DIO!!' 'Can you imagine a Mexican buying car insurance? MEH GUSTO MUCHO!!!' 'Can you imagine a Mexican having sex with the President in the Oval Office? YO QUIERO TACO BELL!!!' Clever. Hilarious. Brilliant. Mencia is none of these things.
3. I've seen this guy before...
I just can't put my finger on it... Oh wait, it's Dat Phan. Remember him? From Last Comic Standing, the little Vietnamese kid who did the EXACT SAME JOKES. Switch the word 'Mexican' for 'Vietnamese' and the word 'beaner' for 'nondescript asian.' It's the same damn thing! Deja vu is a change in the matrix; It means they're changing something. Notice that we haven't seen proof ofDat Phan's existance since I saw Carlos for the first time on TV, check that shit out.
Please, everyone, PLEASE do not let your friends think that Carlos Mencia is funny at all, let alone funny enough to deserve a half hour show. Carlos Mencia is one of the reasons why bad comedians think they're good just because they're being offensive and insensitive in thier sets. Carlos Mencia is one of the reasons why I don't tell racial jokes onstage anymore. Carlos Mencia is a bad comedian and you are a consumer of terrible comedy if you think otherwise.
Okay Carlos, I'm going to leave now, don't eat my tortillas or lower my pick-up while I'm gone.
1. Every joke has the same ending
'Hey, it's funny cuz I said beaner! Get it?' Oh yes, we get it. We got it the last time you told that joke, cuz it's the only joke you ever use. Every joke you tell ends with either the word 'beaner' or an impression of one of your Mexican family members. Didn't see that one coming. Also, after you finish a punchline you turn to the audience and say something like, 'Oh, that's offensive Carlos' in a falsetto voice and quickly follow it with, 'Hey, I'm telling it like it is.' Awesome, good for you. Now please shut the fuck up. You are not the savior of free speech in America. You have a job because Dave Chappelle went bat-shit insane in South Africa a few weeks before he was to start his next season. Comedy Central needed a racial comedian quick, and they couldn't afford Chris Rock and George Lopez already has a show. So they hired you. You beaner.
2. Every joke has the same premise
Somewhere in the middle of every Mencia joke has a line similar to this: 'Can you imagine a Mexican in this situation?' Yes I can, and I'm sure they'd have a stereotypically Mexican response like you have attributed to them in every possible situation. 'Can you imagine a Mexican getting pulled over by a cop in South-Central? AI MIOS DIO!!' 'Can you imagine a Mexican buying car insurance? MEH GUSTO MUCHO!!!' 'Can you imagine a Mexican having sex with the President in the Oval Office? YO QUIERO TACO BELL!!!' Clever. Hilarious. Brilliant. Mencia is none of these things.
3. I've seen this guy before...
I just can't put my finger on it... Oh wait, it's Dat Phan. Remember him? From Last Comic Standing, the little Vietnamese kid who did the EXACT SAME JOKES. Switch the word 'Mexican' for 'Vietnamese' and the word 'beaner' for 'nondescript asian.' It's the same damn thing! Deja vu is a change in the matrix; It means they're changing something. Notice that we haven't seen proof ofDat Phan's existance since I saw Carlos for the first time on TV, check that shit out.
Please, everyone, PLEASE do not let your friends think that Carlos Mencia is funny at all, let alone funny enough to deserve a half hour show. Carlos Mencia is one of the reasons why bad comedians think they're good just because they're being offensive and insensitive in thier sets. Carlos Mencia is one of the reasons why I don't tell racial jokes onstage anymore. Carlos Mencia is a bad comedian and you are a consumer of terrible comedy if you think otherwise.
Okay Carlos, I'm going to leave now, don't eat my tortillas or lower my pick-up while I'm gone.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 8:49 PM
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