Reuben tells you why your Favorite Music sucks, Part III: Panic! at the Disco
I really didn't think that it could be possible that I dislike a band more than My Chemical Romance. Truly, I didn't. But imagine my shock when I came to the realization that I dislike MCR less than another band on this planet. That would be like finding out that I hate a vegetable more than I hate brussel sprouts, or that I would prefer to listen to Mencia than to some other comedian. I shudder at the thought. But somehow, some way, I have found a group of people that call themselves musicians and record the noises that they make with thier instruments that I find to be more unpleasant than any of that: Panic! at the Disco. Let me tell you why:
1. I Write Long Ass Song Titles Not Tragedies
Is it really necessary to have a sentence for a song title? Why can't you just call the song 'Tragedy' or something like that? There's really no need for this. And it's not just one song either. 'London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines' has 8 words in it right there. 'Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off,' that one has 14. 'There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet.' Jesus Christ, 16. Some songs are shorter than that. Also, most of the song titles are non-sequitors and have nothing to do with the songs themselves. At least that's what I assume, seeing as I've never had the patience nor the musical fortitude to sit through an entire P!atD song, but I imagine that every one of thier songs boils down to 'I'm so sad about (fill in the blank), why can my pain be stopped.' That has nothing to do with writing anything, let alone sins or tragedies. That really grinds my gears.
2. Blatant! Misuse of Punctuation
What the hell is that? An exclamation point in the middle of the sentence? What the fuck? I guess it's supposed to be a clever twist on... I don't know, I think they just thought it looked cool. What if I went around putting punctuation in the middle= of my fucking sentences? You would think that/ I was retarded. Not the high functioning retarded either, more like Rain Man but without the being good at math.
3. The Only Difference Between Panic! and Suicide is I Haven't Killed Myself Yet
The music is bad, but honestly, how terrible are these lyrics? Something about trophy wives I think in one of those songs. One about praying for a lap dance, too, which is odd because I'm pretty sure they are all homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that; it's just ironic to me. I couldn't make out a lot of the lyrics. Once again, my ears just couldn't take the onslaught of awful attempts at deep lyrics combined with the complete lack of musical talent. Plus the lead singer warbles instead of pronouncing his words correctly. Very distracting.
4. Disco Sucks
This is not an opinion, it is a commonly accepted fact. I addressed this in an earlier post, and made the point that the only redeeming part about disco was that you could dance to it. Why would you name your band after such a terrible movement in music? A musical movement that was more concerned with appearances than musical talent or depth. A movement with completely incomprehensible lyrics. A movement with singers whose voices were so mangled and tweaked that a translator would have trouble understanding them. Actually, you know what? Now that I think about it, it's a perfect fit.
Except that you can't even dance to Panic.
1. I Write Long Ass Song Titles Not Tragedies
Is it really necessary to have a sentence for a song title? Why can't you just call the song 'Tragedy' or something like that? There's really no need for this. And it's not just one song either. 'London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines' has 8 words in it right there. 'Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off,' that one has 14. 'There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet.' Jesus Christ, 16. Some songs are shorter than that. Also, most of the song titles are non-sequitors and have nothing to do with the songs themselves. At least that's what I assume, seeing as I've never had the patience nor the musical fortitude to sit through an entire P!atD song, but I imagine that every one of thier songs boils down to 'I'm so sad about (fill in the blank), why can my pain be stopped.' That has nothing to do with writing anything, let alone sins or tragedies. That really grinds my gears.
2. Blatant! Misuse of Punctuation
What the hell is that? An exclamation point in the middle of the sentence? What the fuck? I guess it's supposed to be a clever twist on... I don't know, I think they just thought it looked cool. What if I went around putting punctuation in the middle= of my fucking sentences? You would think that/ I was retarded. Not the high functioning retarded either, more like Rain Man but without the being good at math.
3. The Only Difference Between Panic! and Suicide is I Haven't Killed Myself Yet
The music is bad, but honestly, how terrible are these lyrics? Something about trophy wives I think in one of those songs. One about praying for a lap dance, too, which is odd because I'm pretty sure they are all homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that; it's just ironic to me. I couldn't make out a lot of the lyrics. Once again, my ears just couldn't take the onslaught of awful attempts at deep lyrics combined with the complete lack of musical talent. Plus the lead singer warbles instead of pronouncing his words correctly. Very distracting.
4. Disco Sucks
This is not an opinion, it is a commonly accepted fact. I addressed this in an earlier post, and made the point that the only redeeming part about disco was that you could dance to it. Why would you name your band after such a terrible movement in music? A musical movement that was more concerned with appearances than musical talent or depth. A movement with completely incomprehensible lyrics. A movement with singers whose voices were so mangled and tweaked that a translator would have trouble understanding them. Actually, you know what? Now that I think about it, it's a perfect fit.
Except that you can't even dance to Panic.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 3:26 PM
1 Horrible Comments:
if you want to make fun of me then do it to my face. really, i can take it. 'anonymous.' absurd. get out from under your rock and sign in.
also, hypocritical douche bags who complain about me writing about 'people who suck' telling me that i suck... well that's just too much to take. somebody crack a window, there's way too much irony in here.
listen, if you don't have anything intelligent to say then don't say anything at all. that's what my grandaddy used to say.
in addition, please feel free to read the 75 or so posts that do not talk about things or people that suck before you make hasty generalizations.
good bowling to ya.
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