Scheduling Conflicts

Seeing as Ohio University students began scheduling for classes for the fall quarter recently, I thought I might suggest a few classes that should be added to the school's curriculum. Considering the useless pile of crap I use to fill up my quarter with now (like the Aegean Archaeology course I'm taking this quarter and Buddhism in the fall) I think that we could add some more pertinant classes to our collective resumes. Here's a short list of courses that OU should consider:

DRIV 101: Basic Driving Skills
TTh 2-4 p.m.
4 cred.

"But why do we need another driving course if we already have our license?" Because you are all terrible drivers. Every single one of you. I'm talking to you, 'can't parallel park without pulling in and out of reverse a dozen times' guy. And you, 'forget to put your headlights on in the pouring rain' gal. Especially all of you members of the 'doesn't flip the turn signal until you're halfway through your turn already' club. You should be able to learn these simple basics given the two hour blocks of early afternoon time (when the least amount of pedestrians should be out). The final will be held on a Friday from 5-7 in rush hour traffic. In a thunderstorm. With three of your drunken friends in the back seat giving you directions. That'll learn ya.

LANG 178: Entry Level AIM Language
MTWThF 11 a.m.-12 p.m.
5 cred.

In this hour long daily course, you will learn the important basics. You will learn which emoticons are to be used in which situation and which abbreviations are to be taken seriously and which to be regarded as purely sarcastic. You will learn to decode unneccesarily cryptic away messages and profile song and poem lyrics. The basics of AIM name choosing and buddy icon recognition and representation. Perhaps most importantly, the art and science of creating separate compartments in your buddy list. This may be the most important class you will ever take.

DRIV 213: Parking Ticket/Violation Avoidance
MW 3-5 p.m.
4 cred.

As a prerequisite for this class, you must have already taken DRIV 101 and passed with a C average or better. The institution will not tolerate abhorrently bad drivers who can now avoid parking tickets. Included in this course are tips and tricks to avoid parking tickets as well as having to pay for on-campus parking at Ohio University. Things like moving your car according to the parking attendant's schedule for checking the lots, parking in lots that are not checked by campus police, having generic looking 'Staff' or 'Student Parking' stickers and window hangers to throw off the parking police, and utilizing printer/copier technology to fabricate your own 'parking pass' (use at your own risk).

DRGM 267: Advanced Drinking Games
ThF 9-11 p.m.
4 cred.

Though no prerequisites are needed for this class, it is strongly suggested that only upperclassmen with high tolerances for extreme amounts of alcohol take this class. Games and events such as classics like cornhole and beer pong are breifly touched on and rehashed, but most of the participants of the class will have played these games anough to not need more than a week or two to study them. More in depth games like the keg stand, flip cup, and beer bonging are to be perfected, and new games such as Avalanche and Noah's Ark will be taught. This class is B.Y.O.B.

LANG 1337: 1337
MW 12-1 p.m., F lab section
4 cred.

Since the beginning of the internet, hackers have utilized 1337 (or 'leet') to communicate without getting caught or deciphered. The code is no longer a secret (considering the fact that it's just numbers that look like letters), but it's still pretty cool. Ub3r Pwn4g3! Also, learn the correct pronumciation of words like Pwn, Nwb, o0o, and many more. A must-take class for any geek.

Hey, any of those would be much more important than knowing anything at all about Aegean Archaeology.