Dude, October Is So Gay

As you may or may not care, October is gay, lesbian, and transgender month. The Human Rights Campain (HRC) would have you believe that the reason you should care about gay rights is that sexual preference should have nothing to do with whether or not you have equal rights as a citizen and that there need not be any more said on the subject in order to gain support. Hippies. They know nothing about marketing. They think that just because they're supportive of a good cause they can get money. Well, there are plenty of good causes out there that get no money anyway, like the People for the Advancement of Bass Fishermen or the Scurvy Research Institute, while the AIDS and Cancer research groups get tons of money. Why? Celebrities. It's the bandwagon effect. "All the cool kids are giving thier money to help the crisis in Darfur, why aren't you?" When you have a poster child like Lance Armstrong shilling for your cause who isn't going to throw piles of cash at you? That's why I think that the HRC needs to have a poster child. Here are a few suggestions:

Sigfried and Roy
Pros: These two flaming piles of manmeat have been together (in the biblical sense, if you know what I'm saying) for a long time, proving that gay couples can be long lasting and productive in society. Thier magic act and stage show has brought joy to millions of old people and repressed businessmen vacationing in Vegas for what seems like forever. Also, they have a built in tagline: "Together we can make homophobia... Disappear!" Then a guy in overalls and a trucker hat would vanish from your television screen. I can see the 30 second spot in the Super Bowl already.
Cons: Thier thick yet indistinct European accents make me yearn for the days of the silent movie. In addition, the powerful pro-tiger lobby might be serious opposition if they were chosen as figureheads.

Sir Ian McKellen
Pros: Acclaimed Shakespearean actor, Sci-Fi movie icon, and wrinkly faced Englishman would not only provide the cause with domestic as well as international appeal (I mean, he was knighted) but also could kill bigots and Klansmen with the balls of iron and steel he made out of paperweights. Wait, he can't actually do that? Damn. Well, he's still a knight. That counts for something. Also, he's a fantastic actor and would definetly secure the Hollywood elite (as if they weren't pro-gay before)
Cons: He's a creepy old gay dude. Probably lures high schoolers into his house with promises of candy and video games. Gives me the willies.

George Takei
Pros: Most well known as Sulu from the original Star Trek, George was one of the first Asians to have a major role on network television and openly gay actors. Could tap into the traditionally stodgy Asian population as well as the traditionally secluded geek population, who usually prefer to stay cocooned in thier rooms and play WoW rather than join a cause.
Cons: Has wanted to blow William Shatner for 40 years. Also, people would pronounce his name wrong all the time (it's Tak-AY, not Tak-EYE).

Ellen Degeneres
Pros: Absurdly popular comedienne and daytime talk show host has universal appeal, from 16 year old lesbians to 55 year old lesbians. I imagine straight women like her too. Plus she's dating Porche de Rossi who is freakin' hot as balls, and everybody loved hot lesbian-actress-on-lesbian-comedienne action. Most importantly, everyone likes Ellen. Even if it's just a little bit.
Cons: Whereas men like hot lesbians (preferably in a baby pool filled with Jell-O), Ellen isn't what most men would call 'hot.' Also, once dated Anne Heche, which could hurt her street cred.

Hope this was some food for thought, HRC, and try to remember that the other 11 months aren't gay (but I think February is bi-curious).