Halloween Recap '06
Good game out there, guys.
Another successful Halloween night in Athens. This year may not have had the sheer volume of really good costumes we had last year, but we made up for it in the quality of costumes and the fact that it wasn't 18 degrees and snowing this year. I'll take 40 and (relatively) dry with 25 mph winds over that shit anyday. Also, my friends Jules and Nick came in this weekend from Columbus. This was thier first Athens Halloween and blah blah blah, we'll skip the pleasentries and go right to the good stuff:
So Friday night we're walking down Court and we see a guy taking a piss in front of a dumpster in an alleyway. Now, most people would take the extra ten steps to go behind the dumpster, but not this guy. He'd been drinking since Tuesday and he really needed to drain his fluids. We stop to take a gander (I mean, bodily functions are entertaining) and start to leave when a cop walks up. He sees the guy in the alley and walks up behind him, flashlight in hand, pretty much tries to put a rear naked choke on the guy. But drunkie is having none of it; he turns slightly, looks his sure-fire misdemeanor booking right in the face and then elbows the cop right in his grill. Right in the cop's fucking face. It was pretty glorious.
But that's not all. Oh, no. Drunkie then proceeds to sprint into oncoming traffic (as much as he can sprint, what with the BAC and the not yet zipped pants falling down). I think the single most athletic thing I saw all weekend was that guy narrowly avoid becoming road kill by deftly hurdling Barry Sanders style to avoid the minivan in the left lane as he disappeared into the night. He obviously thought it through: public drunkeness and urination charges: night or two in jail and a fine. Added charges assaulting an officer and escaping arrest (and you could tack on a jaywalking charge there too) adds up to a roommate named Earl who likes the way your lips move when you talk.
Moving on to Saturday night. Though the streets were packed as always, this year there was something extra in the air. Maybe it was the holiday spirit. Maybe it was the fact that the Girls Gone Wild bus was in town. Maybe it was all the pot smoke in the air. Who knows. All I know is it was a different kind of Halloween.
A quick list of my favorite costumes:
Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots
hot Ninja Turles
Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's
contestants from Nickelodeon GUTS
hot girl scout troop
dead celebrities (John Lennon, Steve Irwin, etc.)
Greased-Up Deaf Guy
hot firewomen
plastic Army men
Beaker from Muppets
hot Navy women
I'll think of more later as I remember then. Copious amounts of alcohol and the contact high you get once you enter Athens County, you know. This list, of course, is not complete without the costumes of the people I know and love, such as a nearly complete character set from Alice in Wonderland from Miller Time, Jay Runner, Amy, Zach and many others, including such notables as Tweedledee, Tweedledum, the Mad Hatter, Alice, and the Cheshire Cat (and a hot one at that). Mike went as Li'l Mac of Punch Out fame, and Rachel went as what must be the shortest Flamingo ever. Nick's Joker was right off the pages of the comics and Julian standing out front of Goodfella's pizza as an Italian mobster was awesome, though he got confused with Tom Cruise's character from Collateral a lot.
Most worn costumes of '06? Well, Quail-Man made a good comeback and members of the clergy had a strong showing as well, some with childlike dolls attatcked to nether regions. Pun costumes such as the sex machine or chick magnet also were prevalent, but the most popular was all manner of superhero. Lots of Batman/woman (for Nick to, erm, joke with), Superman/woman, X-men of various types, Hulk, the aforementioned Quail-man and the Ambiguously Gay Duo were high on the repeated list, though Wonder Woman and Green Lantern were oddly absent. Those seemed like good ones to me. One of the Wolverines was fucking tight, but the rest seemed to have just pieced thier shit together. At least I knew we were safe with all of the super human capability around. Also, a shit-ton of Jim Tressels were around. Hey, at least nobody went as The Black Parade. I might have had to kill someone.
Wosrt costume? As much as I hate the referees, Teddy Ginns, Flavor Flavs and every other played out piece of crap like that, I have to say that the worst had to have been this nondescript cardboard box creature thing that we saw. I had no idea what it was. It was a strange mixture of Reptar and a Battlebot, but with a huge fiddler crab claw thing. Plus, it was unpainted and undecorated. Lazy bastard.
Best costume? I gotta give this one to myself. Under normal circumstances this might be percieved as narcissistic, but I feel that if the voting were left up to the good citizens of this blog that they would agree that an Optimus Prime that actually transforms into the semi-tractor trailer would win as well. How can you compete with a Transformer that really transforms? You can't. It's not possible. You know how you compete with that? You start to fight but then one of the many referees has to stop the slaughter because Optimus fucking Prime beat your ass into submission. That's how that happens.
While you lick your woulds from tripping over the flippers on your Scuba Steve costume and recover from your hangover that you got from ungodly amounts of Nati Ice and SoCo, remember that it's only 364 more days to next Halloween. A few thoughts on possible costumes for next year:
Statler and Waldorf
Buddha
hot construction worker
The Monarch from Venture Bros.
anybody from Never Ending Story
Olmec
hot leprechauns
Captain Morgan
hot Captain Morgan
Let me tell ya, nothing turns me on more that a hot pirate standing on a barrel asking if I want a little captain in me. The logistics of her getting a little captain in me as opposed to the other way around fail me at this time, but who cares? Nothing says Halloween quite like hot fake-bearded college pirate women.
That's pretty much all I got for this year. Score one for the good guys on this Halloween and see you all next year.
Another successful Halloween night in Athens. This year may not have had the sheer volume of really good costumes we had last year, but we made up for it in the quality of costumes and the fact that it wasn't 18 degrees and snowing this year. I'll take 40 and (relatively) dry with 25 mph winds over that shit anyday. Also, my friends Jules and Nick came in this weekend from Columbus. This was thier first Athens Halloween and blah blah blah, we'll skip the pleasentries and go right to the good stuff:
So Friday night we're walking down Court and we see a guy taking a piss in front of a dumpster in an alleyway. Now, most people would take the extra ten steps to go behind the dumpster, but not this guy. He'd been drinking since Tuesday and he really needed to drain his fluids. We stop to take a gander (I mean, bodily functions are entertaining) and start to leave when a cop walks up. He sees the guy in the alley and walks up behind him, flashlight in hand, pretty much tries to put a rear naked choke on the guy. But drunkie is having none of it; he turns slightly, looks his sure-fire misdemeanor booking right in the face and then elbows the cop right in his grill. Right in the cop's fucking face. It was pretty glorious.
But that's not all. Oh, no. Drunkie then proceeds to sprint into oncoming traffic (as much as he can sprint, what with the BAC and the not yet zipped pants falling down). I think the single most athletic thing I saw all weekend was that guy narrowly avoid becoming road kill by deftly hurdling Barry Sanders style to avoid the minivan in the left lane as he disappeared into the night. He obviously thought it through: public drunkeness and urination charges: night or two in jail and a fine. Added charges assaulting an officer and escaping arrest (and you could tack on a jaywalking charge there too) adds up to a roommate named Earl who likes the way your lips move when you talk.
Moving on to Saturday night. Though the streets were packed as always, this year there was something extra in the air. Maybe it was the holiday spirit. Maybe it was the fact that the Girls Gone Wild bus was in town. Maybe it was all the pot smoke in the air. Who knows. All I know is it was a different kind of Halloween.
A quick list of my favorite costumes:
Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots
hot Ninja Turles
Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's
contestants from Nickelodeon GUTS
hot girl scout troop
dead celebrities (John Lennon, Steve Irwin, etc.)
Greased-Up Deaf Guy
hot firewomen
plastic Army men
Beaker from Muppets
hot Navy women
I'll think of more later as I remember then. Copious amounts of alcohol and the contact high you get once you enter Athens County, you know. This list, of course, is not complete without the costumes of the people I know and love, such as a nearly complete character set from Alice in Wonderland from Miller Time, Jay Runner, Amy, Zach and many others, including such notables as Tweedledee, Tweedledum, the Mad Hatter, Alice, and the Cheshire Cat (and a hot one at that). Mike went as Li'l Mac of Punch Out fame, and Rachel went as what must be the shortest Flamingo ever. Nick's Joker was right off the pages of the comics and Julian standing out front of Goodfella's pizza as an Italian mobster was awesome, though he got confused with Tom Cruise's character from Collateral a lot.
Most worn costumes of '06? Well, Quail-Man made a good comeback and members of the clergy had a strong showing as well, some with childlike dolls attatcked to nether regions. Pun costumes such as the sex machine or chick magnet also were prevalent, but the most popular was all manner of superhero. Lots of Batman/woman (for Nick to, erm, joke with), Superman/woman, X-men of various types, Hulk, the aforementioned Quail-man and the Ambiguously Gay Duo were high on the repeated list, though Wonder Woman and Green Lantern were oddly absent. Those seemed like good ones to me. One of the Wolverines was fucking tight, but the rest seemed to have just pieced thier shit together. At least I knew we were safe with all of the super human capability around. Also, a shit-ton of Jim Tressels were around. Hey, at least nobody went as The Black Parade. I might have had to kill someone.
Wosrt costume? As much as I hate the referees, Teddy Ginns, Flavor Flavs and every other played out piece of crap like that, I have to say that the worst had to have been this nondescript cardboard box creature thing that we saw. I had no idea what it was. It was a strange mixture of Reptar and a Battlebot, but with a huge fiddler crab claw thing. Plus, it was unpainted and undecorated. Lazy bastard.
Best costume? I gotta give this one to myself. Under normal circumstances this might be percieved as narcissistic, but I feel that if the voting were left up to the good citizens of this blog that they would agree that an Optimus Prime that actually transforms into the semi-tractor trailer would win as well. How can you compete with a Transformer that really transforms? You can't. It's not possible. You know how you compete with that? You start to fight but then one of the many referees has to stop the slaughter because Optimus fucking Prime beat your ass into submission. That's how that happens.
While you lick your woulds from tripping over the flippers on your Scuba Steve costume and recover from your hangover that you got from ungodly amounts of Nati Ice and SoCo, remember that it's only 364 more days to next Halloween. A few thoughts on possible costumes for next year:
Statler and Waldorf
Buddha
hot construction worker
The Monarch from Venture Bros.
anybody from Never Ending Story
Olmec
hot leprechauns
Captain Morgan
hot Captain Morgan
Let me tell ya, nothing turns me on more that a hot pirate standing on a barrel asking if I want a little captain in me. The logistics of her getting a little captain in me as opposed to the other way around fail me at this time, but who cares? Nothing says Halloween quite like hot fake-bearded college pirate women.
That's pretty much all I got for this year. Score one for the good guys on this Halloween and see you all next year.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 5:20 AM
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