Cheer Up, Emo Kid
I found this website the other day. http://www.fourfa.com/ It claims to be an introductory course in Emo. A little nice to the Emo culture in my opinion, but he's dealing in information, not warnings. The readers who stumble upon the site can find out for themselves the dangers of Emo culture. I did. Screw 'em.
I have been anti-Emo since the beginning. It has become my comedic bread and butter, and you can be sure this won't be the last time I discuss them. I’m an old school hater. I was pissed off at Emo back when it was called Goth. Remember that? Goth? Yea, those were the days. But that was when it wasn’t cool to be Emo. It was a geek making fun of a dweeb sort of situation. Now it’s become cool to be Emo. They play them on the radio, they get invited to Conan; you get the picture. Now it’s a geek making fun of a cool kid situation. And, My Chemical Romance, that’s not okay.
Sure, you still see the occasional Goth kid, smoking outside your local Jiffy-Lube during a coffee break or scoffing at a piece of artwork in a bay window of a head shop. Here’s a hint: if you ever want to pick up a Goth chick at a bar, just do the following:
1) Sit down at the barstool next to hers.
2) Order a Jack and Coke and a beer.
3) Wait until you catch her eye, and then casually turn away.
4) After a few seconds, say, “This place sucks.”
And you’re home free. Sex so creepy and dirty from Goth that you’re shitting bats in the morning.
Interestingly enough, they depressed adolescent disenfranchised youth movement has fragmented again. ‘Scene’ kids. You’ve seen them, I can guarantee it. It’s sort of what you’d expect the denizens of hell to look like. Most of them lurking (that’s a good way to describe the way they act) at Hot Topic or by the LPs in the corner of your local music shop or at clubs standing against the wall in groups like The Outsiders. Don’t be fooled by what they call themselves, it’s just trying to ‘escape being labeled by the man.’ Now the tight panted legions we know and hate are Goth/Emo/Scene.
I hate them all equally. If we’re for anything here at Horrible People, it’s for equality.
Maybe I’m suffering from, "These kids today, with the clothes and the hair," kind of syndrome. I am getting to be a fuddy-duddy at my ripe old age of 19. But maybe, just maybe, I’m right. Did you ever think about that, Emo kid? Did you ever think you’re over-reacting just a wee bit by slitting your throat or destroying your parent’s collection of Humel figurines because you got grounded for being home late from your Linkin Park concert? You don’t think so? Maybe you’re overstating your sheer disdain for your Mom and whoever is fucking your mom at the time (I don’t want to discriminate) because you’re a manipulative little piece of trash who is using the negotiating tactics of a 3-year-old to get what you want? I would have guessed that most depressed 12 to 17-year-olds came from Harlem or Darfur or Port-Au-Prince. Surely your parents aren’t still together and don’t have good well paying jobs, because then you might actually have a reason to be depressed. Oh, you’re a white suburban middle/high school student. My bad.
Life is good here. You have running water; you have at least one family member who isn’t dead, starving, or in prison; you go to a school with walls and desks. Cheer up, Emo kid. Better yet, shut up. Just shut the fuck up.
I have been anti-Emo since the beginning. It has become my comedic bread and butter, and you can be sure this won't be the last time I discuss them. I’m an old school hater. I was pissed off at Emo back when it was called Goth. Remember that? Goth? Yea, those were the days. But that was when it wasn’t cool to be Emo. It was a geek making fun of a dweeb sort of situation. Now it’s become cool to be Emo. They play them on the radio, they get invited to Conan; you get the picture. Now it’s a geek making fun of a cool kid situation. And, My Chemical Romance, that’s not okay.
Sure, you still see the occasional Goth kid, smoking outside your local Jiffy-Lube during a coffee break or scoffing at a piece of artwork in a bay window of a head shop. Here’s a hint: if you ever want to pick up a Goth chick at a bar, just do the following:
1) Sit down at the barstool next to hers.
2) Order a Jack and Coke and a beer.
3) Wait until you catch her eye, and then casually turn away.
4) After a few seconds, say, “This place sucks.”
And you’re home free. Sex so creepy and dirty from Goth that you’re shitting bats in the morning.
Interestingly enough, they depressed adolescent disenfranchised youth movement has fragmented again. ‘Scene’ kids. You’ve seen them, I can guarantee it. It’s sort of what you’d expect the denizens of hell to look like. Most of them lurking (that’s a good way to describe the way they act) at Hot Topic or by the LPs in the corner of your local music shop or at clubs standing against the wall in groups like The Outsiders. Don’t be fooled by what they call themselves, it’s just trying to ‘escape being labeled by the man.’ Now the tight panted legions we know and hate are Goth/Emo/Scene.
I hate them all equally. If we’re for anything here at Horrible People, it’s for equality.
Maybe I’m suffering from, "These kids today, with the clothes and the hair," kind of syndrome. I am getting to be a fuddy-duddy at my ripe old age of 19. But maybe, just maybe, I’m right. Did you ever think about that, Emo kid? Did you ever think you’re over-reacting just a wee bit by slitting your throat or destroying your parent’s collection of Humel figurines because you got grounded for being home late from your Linkin Park concert? You don’t think so? Maybe you’re overstating your sheer disdain for your Mom and whoever is fucking your mom at the time (I don’t want to discriminate) because you’re a manipulative little piece of trash who is using the negotiating tactics of a 3-year-old to get what you want? I would have guessed that most depressed 12 to 17-year-olds came from Harlem or Darfur or Port-Au-Prince. Surely your parents aren’t still together and don’t have good well paying jobs, because then you might actually have a reason to be depressed. Oh, you’re a white suburban middle/high school student. My bad.
Life is good here. You have running water; you have at least one family member who isn’t dead, starving, or in prison; you go to a school with walls and desks. Cheer up, Emo kid. Better yet, shut up. Just shut the fuck up.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 9:54 PM
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