If I Were...A Fetus
I would be a developing organism exsisting after the embryonic stage but have yet to reach birth. My lungs would not be in use and I would gain oxygen and nutrients from my mother through the placenta and umbilical cord. Id float within my mother's womb as the majority of structures began to form and grow.
I would not, I repeat, I would not have the ability to comprehend or speak english, have access to any man made items or lecture to an audience. If I were a fetus I would basically be the opposite of Umbert the Unborn, a pro-life comic strip that has about as much science fact in it as a Looney Toons episode. Hey, lets take a gander.
If I were a fetus I would not have access to a phone that appears out of the walls of the uterus nor have the ability to make a shitty pun. Id also be unaware to anything being said since my ears would be undeveloped and surrounded by amniotic fluid. Not that it matters since I am incapable of thought. I wonder if Umbert also knows his mother is washing down that peanut butter and tuna with the cheapest malt liquor she could find? I guess he isn't that smart.
If I were a fetus I would not have a cute sense of irony equating people's feelings of abortion to the thought of clubbing seals. I would not have expressive eyebrows and surprisingly enough would be completely unable to play dress up as a baby harp seal after receiving the costume in a box which I can only assume was forcibly shoved up my mother's cooch by UPS.
If I were a fetus I wouldn't be anything like Umbert, a painfully awful comic presented by Catholic.net. It's nice to see Umbert's obviously adorable white Anglo-Saxon appearence and wacky adventures, where he is aware of everything around him except for the fact he's already been brainwashed and become a mouth peice for religious conservatives and will be forced to attend a church that has been marked with rampant child molestation, with many cases still remaining unresolved. You may know a lot for a fetus Umbert but its nothing compared to what you are going to learn.
(As a Horrible People exclusive we have received the latest and final Umbert the Unborn comic from the creator Gary Cangemi. He tells us this is a rough, semi-colored version since its just been inked but he couldn't wait to share the finale of his classic prenatal character. Check out the Horrible Umbert Strip!)
I would not, I repeat, I would not have the ability to comprehend or speak english, have access to any man made items or lecture to an audience. If I were a fetus I would basically be the opposite of Umbert the Unborn, a pro-life comic strip that has about as much science fact in it as a Looney Toons episode. Hey, lets take a gander.
If I were a fetus I would not have access to a phone that appears out of the walls of the uterus nor have the ability to make a shitty pun. Id also be unaware to anything being said since my ears would be undeveloped and surrounded by amniotic fluid. Not that it matters since I am incapable of thought. I wonder if Umbert also knows his mother is washing down that peanut butter and tuna with the cheapest malt liquor she could find? I guess he isn't that smart.
If I were a fetus I would not have a cute sense of irony equating people's feelings of abortion to the thought of clubbing seals. I would not have expressive eyebrows and surprisingly enough would be completely unable to play dress up as a baby harp seal after receiving the costume in a box which I can only assume was forcibly shoved up my mother's cooch by UPS.
If I were a fetus I wouldn't be anything like Umbert, a painfully awful comic presented by Catholic.net. It's nice to see Umbert's obviously adorable white Anglo-Saxon appearence and wacky adventures, where he is aware of everything around him except for the fact he's already been brainwashed and become a mouth peice for religious conservatives and will be forced to attend a church that has been marked with rampant child molestation, with many cases still remaining unresolved. You may know a lot for a fetus Umbert but its nothing compared to what you are going to learn.
(As a Horrible People exclusive we have received the latest and final Umbert the Unborn comic from the creator Gary Cangemi. He tells us this is a rough, semi-colored version since its just been inked but he couldn't wait to share the finale of his classic prenatal character. Check out the Horrible Umbert Strip!)
Jay Runner wrote this piece of shit at 5:40 PM
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