Fall Into The Gap (And Flat On Your Face)
Gap Inc. Direct Management,
I formally resign from my position at The Gap Incorporated Direct on this date, December 16th, 2005. I have enjoyed my work experience with The Gap.
Best wishes and Happy Holidays.
Sincerely,
Reuben Bresler
As many Ohio University students do during the six week winter break afforded to us by the powers that be (yea, OU’s sweet), I got me one o’ them ‘seasonal’ jobs. The job I ended up getting was at the Gap Inc. Direct Warehouse in Obetz, Ohio, and is just as tedious and boring as it sounds. My buddy Nigel and I went into the group interview session pretty nervous. I mean, they had us fill out like 20 different forms. Once we were in the interview session though we knew this wasn’t a really choosy company. This group interview was for the people called back (as in the ones they chose to interview after the application process) and these folks were dumb. Like Forrest Gump dumb. My leftovers from dinner could probably beat most of them at checkers.
And they were sketchy, too. One of the guys at the interview regularly wore his red hair in a mohawk and wore Mushroomhead t-shirts. Many didn’t speak English very well, and that wasn’t just the large immigrant population of the plant (if you catch my drift). Many a homie wore clothes with Scarface and Godfather images. Plain white t-shirts down to the knees, Timberlands, say things like ‘Yo yo! Souf Sieeeede!*’ Etc. Most of you know the type. Other commonplace items at this cesspool included lots of the ‘ample’ black women who wore Apple Bottoms logos proudly or pink velour pants to accentuate their massive backsides. The managerial staff, easily located because they all wore the red Gap polos to show their authority (because nothing screams respect like a $9 cotton-blend T made in the United Arab Emirates), sauntered through the aisles like they owned the place. You get the idea.
*For those of you who don’t step outside except for the occasional Emo concert and read these blogs like it’s your life’s blood, that’s black-ese for south side, you dumb white mother fuckers.
On a side note, do you guys remember when what we now call ‘ghetto booty’ was just a ‘fat ass?’ When did that happen?
Anyway, let’s discuss another of our co-workers. Let’s call him Dave (since that’s his name). He looks like Paul Wall. We ate lunch with Dave and took coffee breaks with him, too. Nice guy. Scary as fuck. Know who he knows personally? The leader of the F and L Gang here in Columbus. That’s as in the 4th and Livingston Bloods. Know those shootings in south Columbus? Yea, that’s them. Scary as hell. He hangs out with him.
That’s not all, oh no. One day he told Nigel and me how to make homemade LSD/Acid. Chew up a piece of gum until all the flavor is out of it, then take an orange peel and put the gum in it, zip the peel in a Ziploc and put it on the roof for 5 days. Then take out the gum and chew it. As Dave says, ‘It’ll get you fucked up.’
Among the things I’ve learned from Dave: What an ‘8-ball’ is (3.5g of Coke), how much Coke costs ($50/g), how to snort Marijuana, how to make crack (which I forgot how), tips on drive-by shootings (be steady, be confidant, etc.), how much to ask for from a ‘chop shop’ for the car you stole (about $5000/car, depending on the make/model), how to give yourself a tattoo (with a guitar string, a bottle of Jack, and a lot of paper towels), and many other useful tips I would use in my everyday life if I weren’t planning on living through the next year. By the way, he’s 21. Yea. He’s got 3 kids and his wife is expecting today. Literally, today. Man, he’s ridiculous. But he was a cool guy. Pretty relaxed for a guy with ties to the Bloods and a wife with 3 kids.
By the way, he has no filter mechanism between his mouth and his brain. Like a dog’s brain and his tail has no filter, that’s him. No passive-aggressive bullshit, no holding back for feeling’s sake. At least I know what I’m saying before I say it; I typically just say it anyway. Not Dave. Here’s a taste:
He was talking to this gang leader that I alluded to earlier and asked him how much he makes a day. “About 15 grand on a bad day,” he replied. “No shit? Lemme see.” So this guy gets up, goes to his bedroom, pulls out a size 13 shoebox and opens it up to Dave. Nothing but rubber banded 20s, 50s, and 100s. Dave, after a moment of stunned silence, says the following, and I am not shitting you, he says this to not just a gang member, but the leader of a seriously violent gang:
“Man, if you weren’t my dude I’d try to rob you.”
Let that soak in for a moment.
Okay, now that you’ve recovered, I will continue. The guy says, “I can’t believe you just said that,” (which, strangely enough, was my response too). I’m surprised he’s still alive.
It was nice for a while. 30% off Banana Republic and Gap, 20% off at Old Navy employee discount. Pack boxes and bags with these ‘slouchy’ boots, ‘Henley’ shirts, and ‘tankinis.’ But 10 hours a day, 6am-4pm, Monday through Saturday gets annoying. To divert from the tedium I started taking longer breaks. Much longer breaks.
Yea, I quit that job today. I turned in that letter at the top to the front desk. I was getting fired today anyway though, I know this because my manager was looking for me, and she’s never done that before. They usually just let us run amok and do random jobs. I guess they don’t like it when you take hour and a half breaks when you should be taking twenties so I beat ‘em to the punch. I did enjoy it though, good experience.
I am never going back there again.
But I did keep my discount card. Guess what my family’s getting for Christmas.
I formally resign from my position at The Gap Incorporated Direct on this date, December 16th, 2005. I have enjoyed my work experience with The Gap.
Best wishes and Happy Holidays.
Sincerely,
Reuben Bresler
As many Ohio University students do during the six week winter break afforded to us by the powers that be (yea, OU’s sweet), I got me one o’ them ‘seasonal’ jobs. The job I ended up getting was at the Gap Inc. Direct Warehouse in Obetz, Ohio, and is just as tedious and boring as it sounds. My buddy Nigel and I went into the group interview session pretty nervous. I mean, they had us fill out like 20 different forms. Once we were in the interview session though we knew this wasn’t a really choosy company. This group interview was for the people called back (as in the ones they chose to interview after the application process) and these folks were dumb. Like Forrest Gump dumb. My leftovers from dinner could probably beat most of them at checkers.
And they were sketchy, too. One of the guys at the interview regularly wore his red hair in a mohawk and wore Mushroomhead t-shirts. Many didn’t speak English very well, and that wasn’t just the large immigrant population of the plant (if you catch my drift). Many a homie wore clothes with Scarface and Godfather images. Plain white t-shirts down to the knees, Timberlands, say things like ‘Yo yo! Souf Sieeeede!*’ Etc. Most of you know the type. Other commonplace items at this cesspool included lots of the ‘ample’ black women who wore Apple Bottoms logos proudly or pink velour pants to accentuate their massive backsides. The managerial staff, easily located because they all wore the red Gap polos to show their authority (because nothing screams respect like a $9 cotton-blend T made in the United Arab Emirates), sauntered through the aisles like they owned the place. You get the idea.
*For those of you who don’t step outside except for the occasional Emo concert and read these blogs like it’s your life’s blood, that’s black-ese for south side, you dumb white mother fuckers.
On a side note, do you guys remember when what we now call ‘ghetto booty’ was just a ‘fat ass?’ When did that happen?
Anyway, let’s discuss another of our co-workers. Let’s call him Dave (since that’s his name). He looks like Paul Wall. We ate lunch with Dave and took coffee breaks with him, too. Nice guy. Scary as fuck. Know who he knows personally? The leader of the F and L Gang here in Columbus. That’s as in the 4th and Livingston Bloods. Know those shootings in south Columbus? Yea, that’s them. Scary as hell. He hangs out with him.That’s not all, oh no. One day he told Nigel and me how to make homemade LSD/Acid. Chew up a piece of gum until all the flavor is out of it, then take an orange peel and put the gum in it, zip the peel in a Ziploc and put it on the roof for 5 days. Then take out the gum and chew it. As Dave says, ‘It’ll get you fucked up.’
Among the things I’ve learned from Dave: What an ‘8-ball’ is (3.5g of Coke), how much Coke costs ($50/g), how to snort Marijuana, how to make crack (which I forgot how), tips on drive-by shootings (be steady, be confidant, etc.), how much to ask for from a ‘chop shop’ for the car you stole (about $5000/car, depending on the make/model), how to give yourself a tattoo (with a guitar string, a bottle of Jack, and a lot of paper towels), and many other useful tips I would use in my everyday life if I weren’t planning on living through the next year. By the way, he’s 21. Yea. He’s got 3 kids and his wife is expecting today. Literally, today. Man, he’s ridiculous. But he was a cool guy. Pretty relaxed for a guy with ties to the Bloods and a wife with 3 kids.
By the way, he has no filter mechanism between his mouth and his brain. Like a dog’s brain and his tail has no filter, that’s him. No passive-aggressive bullshit, no holding back for feeling’s sake. At least I know what I’m saying before I say it; I typically just say it anyway. Not Dave. Here’s a taste:
He was talking to this gang leader that I alluded to earlier and asked him how much he makes a day. “About 15 grand on a bad day,” he replied. “No shit? Lemme see.” So this guy gets up, goes to his bedroom, pulls out a size 13 shoebox and opens it up to Dave. Nothing but rubber banded 20s, 50s, and 100s. Dave, after a moment of stunned silence, says the following, and I am not shitting you, he says this to not just a gang member, but the leader of a seriously violent gang:
“Man, if you weren’t my dude I’d try to rob you.”
Let that soak in for a moment.
Okay, now that you’ve recovered, I will continue. The guy says, “I can’t believe you just said that,” (which, strangely enough, was my response too). I’m surprised he’s still alive.
It was nice for a while. 30% off Banana Republic and Gap, 20% off at Old Navy employee discount. Pack boxes and bags with these ‘slouchy’ boots, ‘Henley’ shirts, and ‘tankinis.’ But 10 hours a day, 6am-4pm, Monday through Saturday gets annoying. To divert from the tedium I started taking longer breaks. Much longer breaks.
Yea, I quit that job today. I turned in that letter at the top to the front desk. I was getting fired today anyway though, I know this because my manager was looking for me, and she’s never done that before. They usually just let us run amok and do random jobs. I guess they don’t like it when you take hour and a half breaks when you should be taking twenties so I beat ‘em to the punch. I did enjoy it though, good experience.
I am never going back there again.
But I did keep my discount card. Guess what my family’s getting for Christmas.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 10:26 PM
2 Horrible Comments:
So the job sucked, but the life lessons were priceless. Dave is a true teacher, you won't get an education like that in college. Does the acid from gum and orange rinds work in the winter too, because I got like 8 bags going as we speak.
I'm personally a big fan of We Are All Horrible People blog. Thanks for sharing this post.
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