Chuck Norris Jokes, comedy at its finest
While on our never ending quest for great comedy we at Horrible People have recently been exposed to Chuck Norris Jokes. You can find them all over the internet on sites and messageboards proclaiming what a badass Chuck really is. Here's a list of 10 of our favorites followed by our very own versions.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris has a word for people he put into a coma; that word is "lucky"
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit" I mean "kick", and by "sweaters" I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad at Chuck and admitted he should have seen it comming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
And here are our very own...
Horrible Chuck Norris Jokes.
Chuck Norris once attempted to swim back and forth across the Atlantic ocean ten times but had to stop at nine, when an ocean liner known as the Titanic ran into his balls.
A white guy, a black guy and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. Who wasn't brutally roundhouse kicked in the face and killed? That's a rhetorical question.
If you can read this joke you haven't met Chuck Norris.
To create Stretch Armstrong dolls Chuck Norris simply blows his nose into their hollow frame.
When Chuck Norris was on Legends of the Hidden Temple he told Olmec where to go.
Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the world. And the first 7.
Chuck Norris found Osama Bin Laden, Waldo, and Carmen Sandiego before lunch.
Chuck Norris uses his middle and ring finger to crack walnuts. And coconuts. And if you cross him, your nuts.
Chuck Norris won't do a damn thing for a Klondike bar. But he'll take one anyway.
When Chuck Norris sits around the house, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
While Chuck Norris was backpacking through China he was accidently bumped into by a noodleshop owner's wife. The woman, who gazed directly into his beard while apologizing, was impregnated instantly. She gave birth to twins later that year, the world knows them as Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee.
Chuck Norris doesn't have air conditioning because he exhales freon.
If you look up "badass" in the dictionary you won't find a picture of Chuck Norris becuase he has better things to do.
George Bush didn't have faulty intelligence when claiming Iraq possessed WMDs. Chuck Norris just left.
Hercules wasn't half man and half God, he was 1/16th Chuck Norris.
The only maneuver within the Kama Sutra that has not been performed by average men is the "Chuck Norris". It involves penetrating a woman from behind doggystyle while simultaneously roundhouse kicking her in the face. This is the only way Chuck Norris fucks.
Chuck Norris is not alive, because things that live will someday die. Chuck Norris exists.
If you give Chuck Norris a blowjob it will cure cavities and whiten your teeth. At least that's what he tells you.
The circle of life begins and ends with Chuck Norris.
The highest Terror Alert Level is Chuck Norris. It is the color of his beard.
When reading 'warning: don't try this at home', it applies to everyone but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Only to roundhouse kick him into oblivion.
It takes Chuck Norris one lick to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Chuck Norris can drink and breathe at the same time. That's quite a feat seeing as how it's impossible.
Chuck Norris is so powerful that he can make 3 college students sit in a dorm room for 2 and a half hours comming up with Chuck Norris jokes.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris has a word for people he put into a coma; that word is "lucky"
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit" I mean "kick", and by "sweaters" I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad at Chuck and admitted he should have seen it comming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
And here are our very own...
Horrible Chuck Norris Jokes.
Chuck Norris once attempted to swim back and forth across the Atlantic ocean ten times but had to stop at nine, when an ocean liner known as the Titanic ran into his balls.
A white guy, a black guy and Chuck Norris walk into a bar. Who wasn't brutally roundhouse kicked in the face and killed? That's a rhetorical question.
If you can read this joke you haven't met Chuck Norris.
To create Stretch Armstrong dolls Chuck Norris simply blows his nose into their hollow frame.
When Chuck Norris was on Legends of the Hidden Temple he told Olmec where to go.
Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the world. And the first 7.
Chuck Norris found Osama Bin Laden, Waldo, and Carmen Sandiego before lunch.
Chuck Norris uses his middle and ring finger to crack walnuts. And coconuts. And if you cross him, your nuts.
Chuck Norris won't do a damn thing for a Klondike bar. But he'll take one anyway.
When Chuck Norris sits around the house, he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
While Chuck Norris was backpacking through China he was accidently bumped into by a noodleshop owner's wife. The woman, who gazed directly into his beard while apologizing, was impregnated instantly. She gave birth to twins later that year, the world knows them as Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee.
Chuck Norris doesn't have air conditioning because he exhales freon.
If you look up "badass" in the dictionary you won't find a picture of Chuck Norris becuase he has better things to do.
George Bush didn't have faulty intelligence when claiming Iraq possessed WMDs. Chuck Norris just left.
Hercules wasn't half man and half God, he was 1/16th Chuck Norris.
The only maneuver within the Kama Sutra that has not been performed by average men is the "Chuck Norris". It involves penetrating a woman from behind doggystyle while simultaneously roundhouse kicking her in the face. This is the only way Chuck Norris fucks.
Chuck Norris is not alive, because things that live will someday die. Chuck Norris exists.
If you give Chuck Norris a blowjob it will cure cavities and whiten your teeth. At least that's what he tells you.
The circle of life begins and ends with Chuck Norris.
The highest Terror Alert Level is Chuck Norris. It is the color of his beard.
When reading 'warning: don't try this at home', it applies to everyone but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Only to roundhouse kick him into oblivion.
It takes Chuck Norris one lick to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Chuck Norris can drink and breathe at the same time. That's quite a feat seeing as how it's impossible.
Chuck Norris is so powerful that he can make 3 college students sit in a dorm room for 2 and a half hours comming up with Chuck Norris jokes.
Jay Runner wrote this piece of shit at 4:34 PM
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