(Post)Game Of The Century
So just in case you’ve been trapped in a mine for the last week, the College Football National Championship was yesterday and Texas won. I actually only saw the last eight seconds because I was too busy feeding my poker habit (don’t you judge me), but those were some exciting eight seconds. Good stuff.
My problem isn’t with the game itself (which I’m sure was the realization of talentless suck hole and rambling coot Brent Musberger’s wet dream), but instead is with what ensued. First of all, the post game interviews were god awful. Everything that spilled out of a reporter’s mouth in interviewing either of the two big USC stars (Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush) was the most inappropriate thing to ask a losing team since the Romans asked Jesus, ‘How does that feel, douche bag?’ Questions like these:
"So Reggie, what were you thinking when you lateraled that ball?"
Was it high school all over again? That’s what you were thinking? No, you imbecile, it’s the fucking title game! Jesus, why didn’t you just put on your cape and fly to the fucking end zone? I’m sure it wouldn’t have surprised USC lampreys like former ‘Battlebots’ host Sean Salisbury and shell of a human being Lee Corso while they suck your cock a little bit more?
"Matt, with eight seconds left on the clock, why didn’t you make a quick pass to set up a field goal attempt or at least toss the ball incomplete for a last minute attempt?"
Oh jeez, I guess he just cracked under the pressure. I mean, he's never been in a big game situation like this before except for the other national title game and the other 15 or so ranked teams he's faced. I mean, he only won the Heisman once, so he can’t be that good. Seriously though, they paid him good money to throw the game.
And the stupidity didn't end at the questioning of the losing players. Vince Young, quarterback for the winning Longhorns, was faced with an intense grilling with astute questions like this:
"Vince, how do you feel about your performance in the game tonight?"
Oh, tough one. Well I guess he felt good about it, considering he set every record and nobody could touch him the whole damn night. Also, pure diesel fuel runs in his veins, which probably helped. And steroids. Oops!
The next person I hear say InVinceable in reference to Young is getting stabbed in the neck.
And that’s not all. Not even close. As if they didn’t replay that shit enough, they’ve already begun the countdown to the NFL draft, and since the projected top 3 picks were in the game last night the we’d all better get into a frenzy for the next… 4 months. Mel Kiper, Jr., whose obsessiveness of the draft is challenged only by Miller Time’s need to spout hateful remarks to passerbys, got all hot and bothered already, talking about whether or not Rose Bowl MVP Vince Young, 2005 Heisman winner Reggie Bush, or 2004 Heisman winner Matt Leinart will be the first pick. Exciting stuff. Though to be fair, I am more interested in this than anything having to do with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Barely.
Honestly people, it’s just a game (at least that’s what I told my bookie; don't judge me). Let’s let these guys go back to normal college life, and not have to worry about what’s next for them and only worry about what the rest of us worry about.
Which of the hundreds co-eds who want it bad to bang first.
My problem isn’t with the game itself (which I’m sure was the realization of talentless suck hole and rambling coot Brent Musberger’s wet dream), but instead is with what ensued. First of all, the post game interviews were god awful. Everything that spilled out of a reporter’s mouth in interviewing either of the two big USC stars (Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush) was the most inappropriate thing to ask a losing team since the Romans asked Jesus, ‘How does that feel, douche bag?’ Questions like these:
"So Reggie, what were you thinking when you lateraled that ball?"
Was it high school all over again? That’s what you were thinking? No, you imbecile, it’s the fucking title game! Jesus, why didn’t you just put on your cape and fly to the fucking end zone? I’m sure it wouldn’t have surprised USC lampreys like former ‘Battlebots’ host Sean Salisbury and shell of a human being Lee Corso while they suck your cock a little bit more?
"Matt, with eight seconds left on the clock, why didn’t you make a quick pass to set up a field goal attempt or at least toss the ball incomplete for a last minute attempt?"
Oh jeez, I guess he just cracked under the pressure. I mean, he's never been in a big game situation like this before except for the other national title game and the other 15 or so ranked teams he's faced. I mean, he only won the Heisman once, so he can’t be that good. Seriously though, they paid him good money to throw the game.
And the stupidity didn't end at the questioning of the losing players. Vince Young, quarterback for the winning Longhorns, was faced with an intense grilling with astute questions like this:
"Vince, how do you feel about your performance in the game tonight?"
Oh, tough one. Well I guess he felt good about it, considering he set every record and nobody could touch him the whole damn night. Also, pure diesel fuel runs in his veins, which probably helped. And steroids. Oops!
The next person I hear say InVinceable in reference to Young is getting stabbed in the neck.
And that’s not all. Not even close. As if they didn’t replay that shit enough, they’ve already begun the countdown to the NFL draft, and since the projected top 3 picks were in the game last night the we’d all better get into a frenzy for the next… 4 months. Mel Kiper, Jr., whose obsessiveness of the draft is challenged only by Miller Time’s need to spout hateful remarks to passerbys, got all hot and bothered already, talking about whether or not Rose Bowl MVP Vince Young, 2005 Heisman winner Reggie Bush, or 2004 Heisman winner Matt Leinart will be the first pick. Exciting stuff. Though to be fair, I am more interested in this than anything having to do with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. Barely.
Honestly people, it’s just a game (at least that’s what I told my bookie; don't judge me). Let’s let these guys go back to normal college life, and not have to worry about what’s next for them and only worry about what the rest of us worry about.
Which of the hundreds co-eds who want it bad to bang first.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 2:36 AM
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