Get Your Shit Together, Cable News
You'd think that terrorist attacks in Jordan and Israel, riots in France and Afghanistan, insurrection in Iraq, civil war in Sudan, and the saga of Bennifer II would be plenty to make the cable news outlets get a half-chub, but as the hunger of the American people has grown for the McRib, so too has it's insatiable appetite for useless news expanded to Kirstie Alley-like proportions. Which brings me to my point: New baby animals are not news.
Some of you may have a hard time wrapping your head around it, so let me repeat it for you folks that didn't fully grasp it the first time. Take a deep breath and close your eyes and focus on my words.
New baby animals are not news.
Yes, they are interesting, they do get ratings, and they are damn cute, but it is not news. It's the result of two animals following thier natural urges and creating little versions of themselves. Animal reproduction. Gross. Not news.
I typically see 4 or 5 'news' stories every year or so about a hippopotamus here, a couple bald eagles there. Fine, that's acceptable. Human interest. Now go back to how crappy the weather is and how our local sports franchises lose all the time.
So somebody explain to me how I have seen not 1, not 2, but 3 baby animal stories today. THREE. That's unacceptable. I expect more from the networks that brought me Crossfire, The O'Reilly Factor, and The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer (which, turns out, really is just a room with Wolf Blitzer locked in it).
Story one: a baby giant panda named Su Lin had its first public appearance today at the San Diego Zoo. And there was much hooplah. Yay, a baby. Have a cookie.
Story two: An Atlantic bottlenose dolphin named Tapeko gave birth to a healthy 30-35 pound, 3-foot-long female calf at the Brookefield Zoo. No idea where that is. Don't care.
Story 3: A baby babboon rescued from a pet shop in Qatar is 'doing well' in the Doha Zoo in that same country. In a related story, I don't care. It's in Qatar. That's further away than Brookefield. I really don't give two shits about this one. Do you? No, no you don't.
And you shouldn't.
Pandas and dolphins and babboons are all cute, especially baby ones. These stories have the news value of the average People magazine article and the shelf life of a half eaten Taco Bell burrito. I haven't heard news about the most recent suicide bombers in Israel, the peace efforts in Sudan, the most recent Bird Flu cases, or the nuclear proliferation of about a half dozen Eastern Bloc countries. That's important. This crap isn't. Get your shit together, folks. Come on, we need more hardened tough, old fashioned news in our journalism.
Like more coverage of Nick and Jessica. Can't get enough of that.
Some of you may have a hard time wrapping your head around it, so let me repeat it for you folks that didn't fully grasp it the first time. Take a deep breath and close your eyes and focus on my words.
New baby animals are not news.
Yes, they are interesting, they do get ratings, and they are damn cute, but it is not news. It's the result of two animals following thier natural urges and creating little versions of themselves. Animal reproduction. Gross. Not news.
I typically see 4 or 5 'news' stories every year or so about a hippopotamus here, a couple bald eagles there. Fine, that's acceptable. Human interest. Now go back to how crappy the weather is and how our local sports franchises lose all the time.
So somebody explain to me how I have seen not 1, not 2, but 3 baby animal stories today. THREE. That's unacceptable. I expect more from the networks that brought me Crossfire, The O'Reilly Factor, and The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer (which, turns out, really is just a room with Wolf Blitzer locked in it).
Story one: a baby giant panda named Su Lin had its first public appearance today at the San Diego Zoo. And there was much hooplah. Yay, a baby. Have a cookie.
Story two: An Atlantic bottlenose dolphin named Tapeko gave birth to a healthy 30-35 pound, 3-foot-long female calf at the Brookefield Zoo. No idea where that is. Don't care.
Story 3: A baby babboon rescued from a pet shop in Qatar is 'doing well' in the Doha Zoo in that same country. In a related story, I don't care. It's in Qatar. That's further away than Brookefield. I really don't give two shits about this one. Do you? No, no you don't.
And you shouldn't.
Pandas and dolphins and babboons are all cute, especially baby ones. These stories have the news value of the average People magazine article and the shelf life of a half eaten Taco Bell burrito. I haven't heard news about the most recent suicide bombers in Israel, the peace efforts in Sudan, the most recent Bird Flu cases, or the nuclear proliferation of about a half dozen Eastern Bloc countries. That's important. This crap isn't. Get your shit together, folks. Come on, we need more hardened tough, old fashioned news in our journalism.
Like more coverage of Nick and Jessica. Can't get enough of that.
reubs wrote this piece of shit at 5:56 PM
1 Horrible Comments:
But they are so cute! That panda nearly melted my screen with those big ol eyes. I want to eat it. Just the most adorable burger ever...AND I SAY GOD DAMN!
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