Halloween Recap

Another successful Halloween. 'Successful' in this sense means a frigid October night, with a smaller yet more intoxicated crowd than last year, resulting in roughly a hundred arrests. There were several cases of underage drinking, robbery, assault and an attempted rape. I guess that's why we are the number 2 party school, I bet Wisconsin doesn't fool around when forcing sex on their underclassmen. But the important thing here is that I had an awesome time.

Some people took our advice and I saw a lot of slutty schoolgirls, slutty cops and sluts. Glad we could be of service there. Also the drinking advice dished out on this site was not only up to par but far exceeded in most cases. You crazy kids, ya hear a good idea and just fucking sprint with the son of a bitch. My favorite public drunk was the Slutty Cat Girl (not recommended by us, but nice touch) that was so far gone she just hugged a brick wall and screamed to the heavens. This chick was obliterated, one side of black whiskers smeared along the face, spit bubbling on the lips, rips and tears appearing all over her tight black spandex suit and about a ten foot radius of onlookers avoiding the situation or just openly mocking her. I'm sure the rest of her sorority, that probably went as Playboy Bunnies and were pissed she tried being an individual, left her for dead after her 7th shot of Captain Morgan's.

Me and my Halloween date were a spot on recreation of Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski. Don't believe me? Then how about you take a look...

Man alive, which one is the real Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Tiffany Amber Thiesen? If I didn't know any better Id think the image was just doubled.



Well guess what, me and my lovely accomplice Amy are actually on the right. You'll just have to take my word for it.

I rocked the platinum blonde highlights and acid-wash jeans as if I really was about to pull off another perfect scheme under Mr. Belding's nose, furthering my rep at Bay Side. But the best part of the outfit belonged to the Kelly clone...
















Mmm mmm that is some well placed propaganda. We got our photos taken by some impressed streetwalkers and had several shout outs of our personas. And even several more shout outs of frat boys screaming for a bang by Kelly Kapowski.

We met up with the other two members of this site. One being the always absent Nick A.K.A. Miller Time. He may never post on this website but he sure knows how to rock a top hat and look like he'll enjoy a fine cup of tea after murdering a cabin full of promiscuous teens.














Jesus H. Christ this is one bad ass mother. Would someone please get this grown 'Children of the Corn' cast member an axe. He mentioned how he'd be sure to write a "Worst of Halloween" post detailing the most pathetic costumes and poorest behavior. I assume we can expect that completed by next Halloween.

Reuben 'the Hurricane' Bresler also decided to join the fun as obscure villian Luther, from 1979's gang war classic "the Warriors". I never heard of this movie either, but thanks to Rockstar and their new videogame based off this film we got to hear plenty of "wariors come out to play-ee-yaaa" all night long. The scene with that famous line is shown below...














Once again I am at a loss as to which is the real screen shot and which was taken at the desk of my school issued dormroom computer. Maybe the necklaces can be the deciding factory. As opposed to chains, I have heard rumors that 'The Hurricane' went all Martha Stewart and designed his very own metal chains out of duct tape.

Further down Court Street we ran into a little childhood nostalgia when contestants from 'Legends of the Hidden Temple' came running by.























And in the midsts of running they were nice enough to gather and let us take a snap shot. Purple Parrots, Geen Monkeys and even a Silver Snake made it in. I think for next years Halloween I am going to go as Olmec and ask ridiculous questions about ancient cities. Or better yet I will just go as a Temple Guard, and knowing full well that no person in Athens will have a Pendant of Life I can proceed groping them as they have failed in retrieveing the artifact from Olmec's Temple.

We pressed on and little further down was yet another one of my favortie childhood games to watch, a cockfight! Oh the memories.












Except this time I didn't previously poison the chicken feed of one of the competitors and bet the underdog. I mean if rigging a cockfight is wrong then I dont want to be right. Here we see the white cock landing a blow, but soon after the yellow cock sporting the Ted Ginn Jr. jersey got into rhythm and took this round.

Sure was some imagination in the works for this years costumes, I wonder if anymore will be interesting and OH MY GOD IT'S HANK!













Come on you know Hank. From the Starbucks Doubleshot commercial where Hank is starting his day right with a crowd of supporters chanting his name before he gives a presentation to middle management. This wasn't the best photo but these kids did an awesome job, especially on the mascot's paper mache head. Also I'd like to point out a disturbing trend in our generation, easily identifying with advertising and having it as a shared cultural background. But what the fuck, this group's costume kicked ass.

Well a lot of people sure came out to show off their outfits. I was beginning to wonder if anyone famous was going to stop by. Holy shit is that Doug Cloud?






















Of course it is. Come on you know Doug Cloud. Co-host of Fridays Live, Ohio Universities very own late night variety show on public access. It usually runs the gamet from hilarious to god awful in one episode but Doug's costume was only hilarious. Yes, he went as his facebook page, which may seem a little self centered but who the hell else's page was he going to be? I couldn't get a great shot cause I was keeping Doug from the rest of his group while I quickly put him in frame. Also I think he was wigging out on acid cause he couldn't keep still. Or maybe it was just Halloween spirit. I mean look at that smile, only Halloween or hard drugs could produce that.

All in all a pretty awesome night. Those were some of the highlights, other great costumes were the Ipod People, Team America and the Heismen Trophy. Also there was no shortage of crazies roaming and cool times with friends to make the night memorable. Basically you should feel really awful about yourself if you missed it. Or if you were attacked or nearly raped. Just hope for another great and maybe safer Athens Halloween next year. Also look forward to increased global warming and a late October night to probably be in the mid 80s. Happy Halloween kids.