An open letter to...Labradoodles, Puggles and other crimes against nature
Hey there little fellas,
I was just writing to remind you that you are little concocted monsters that should not be in existance let alone costing hundreds of dollars to buy. I hate to break the news to you in an open letter on a blog but the truth is you are a fad. It started mainly when some bored and piss poor breeder realized that not only mixing the word 'poodle' made new funny names but by mixing a poodle itself could make new funny dogs. So we were blessed with the Labradoodle. And it didn't take long till there were Cockapoos. Followed by Boxerdoodles, Pugapoos, Shepadoodles, Eskapoos and my personal favorite Doodleman Pinschers. However, I can calssify all of you under one name and that is 'Mutt'. Believe it or not that's what designer dogs are, mixed breeds, since poodles don't care what they're fuckin and sick people out there don't mind watching and then cashing in big by selling the hell spawn. Hell spawn in this instance meaning you.
And you Puggles shouldn't be smiling even if you are the new fun mix that's taking Hollywood by storm. Why even uber-sexy Jake Gyllenhaal got his greasy mits on one of you mongrels. And as you know I am a huge Gyllenholic but this still doesn't make me consider you a creature to be tolerated let alone loved. You see beagles are a fine breed and pugs, well I actually consider pugs to be quite disgusting. It may be their faces which look like chewed leather, or the fact they are prone to respiratory problems resulting in them wheezing like a geriatric struggling on a low oxygen tank. But never in my wildest nightmares did I imagine these animals engaging in the 'durrty' and having you as offspring.
I only request that you show a little humility and stop thinking you are kings of the canine world merely because you seem so different. Remember that differences used to get you in a side show where local yokels could throw pebbles at you for a nickle. They'd have stuck one of you monstrosities right between the bearded lady and lobster boy while a carnival barker announced the terrifying story of how you half bloods came to be. Just hoping to put a little perspective on the situation. And above all this is a plea, for the love of god don't let this spiral downward to a point where we have to utter the word Pooduggle of Puggleoodle. Come to think of it Pooduggle is a pretty funny word. Sorry to end abruptly, just keep in mind what I said. I've got to go scour the pound for some horny mutts. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
I was just writing to remind you that you are little concocted monsters that should not be in existance let alone costing hundreds of dollars to buy. I hate to break the news to you in an open letter on a blog but the truth is you are a fad. It started mainly when some bored and piss poor breeder realized that not only mixing the word 'poodle' made new funny names but by mixing a poodle itself could make new funny dogs. So we were blessed with the Labradoodle. And it didn't take long till there were Cockapoos. Followed by Boxerdoodles, Pugapoos, Shepadoodles, Eskapoos and my personal favorite Doodleman Pinschers. However, I can calssify all of you under one name and that is 'Mutt'. Believe it or not that's what designer dogs are, mixed breeds, since poodles don't care what they're fuckin and sick people out there don't mind watching and then cashing in big by selling the hell spawn. Hell spawn in this instance meaning you.
And you Puggles shouldn't be smiling even if you are the new fun mix that's taking Hollywood by storm. Why even uber-sexy Jake Gyllenhaal got his greasy mits on one of you mongrels. And as you know I am a huge Gyllenholic but this still doesn't make me consider you a creature to be tolerated let alone loved. You see beagles are a fine breed and pugs, well I actually consider pugs to be quite disgusting. It may be their faces which look like chewed leather, or the fact they are prone to respiratory problems resulting in them wheezing like a geriatric struggling on a low oxygen tank. But never in my wildest nightmares did I imagine these animals engaging in the 'durrty' and having you as offspring.
I only request that you show a little humility and stop thinking you are kings of the canine world merely because you seem so different. Remember that differences used to get you in a side show where local yokels could throw pebbles at you for a nickle. They'd have stuck one of you monstrosities right between the bearded lady and lobster boy while a carnival barker announced the terrifying story of how you half bloods came to be. Just hoping to put a little perspective on the situation. And above all this is a plea, for the love of god don't let this spiral downward to a point where we have to utter the word Pooduggle of Puggleoodle. Come to think of it Pooduggle is a pretty funny word. Sorry to end abruptly, just keep in mind what I said. I've got to go scour the pound for some horny mutts. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
Jay Runner wrote this piece of shit at 2:03 AM
7 Horrible Comments:
I guess you hate all domesticated animals, then, because that's exactly how ALL of them came to be. All breeds were "invented" by people in the same manner that the labradoodle was created.
i have a puggle and she completely sucks
^ this. All domestic dogs were bred for a certain look, or to fulfill a certain role (work, etc.). Save words like 'monstrosities' for animals like ligers that are so unfit from a evolutionary standpoint they can't even produce offspring .
P.S. 'mutts' come from a larger gene pool than 'pure' breeds and thus generrally have less of the health problems that result from inbreeding. Also all dogs are part of the same species jackass so the word mutt is strictjy one of convenience .... GOD I HATE STUPID PEOPLE. GO TO COLLEGE AND LEARN SOMETHING BEFORE YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT ON THE INTERNET AGAIN.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
hey bud... you do know that many of tn 'accepted' breeds were formed in the last few hundred years right? these breed came about the same way as a puggle, or any of the other BREEDS mentioned. like the other guy said, educate yourself before you make another stupid uninformed blog.
I have to say that you summarized my exact feelings on the subject. I own a rescue dog and throughout our dog park adventures I am more frequently encountering these mutts. I am allowed, as is the author of this post, to have a negative opinion of these dogs because it is my subjective opinion. In my experience, these dogs have poor personalities and are just awful to look at. The only thing that annoys me more than the poodle-mix itself is the poodle-mix owner. I have never heard of any shelter or rescue center needing to find homes for these dogs because they are a recent addition to the dog community. People are purposefully breeding and selling them, and people are buying them, for the novelty. There are thousands of wonderful dogs that need families and yet these people are spending five times the amount (or more) of an adoption fee on a dog that comes with no "papers". That, in my opinion, is stupid.
P.S.- All modern breeds did come into existence through selective breeding, mostly to fulfill purposes such as hunting, working, or even for vanity as lap-dogs. Selective breeding continues even today to improve on health issues of current breeds (eg. English Bulldog). That being said, with the diversity of dog breeds in existence today the whatever-a-doodle is a LONG way off from being accepted as a legitimate breed.
P.P.S.- For the love of everything salvageable in this world, if you are going to accuse someone of being an idiot please use the correct form of "you're".
Lol yes thats it college to learn about dogs..... genius!
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