Ohio vs. Ohio
I find myself in the following conversation more often than I'd like. It is with friends of my parents who feel they need to feign interest in my life...
Them: What college are you in now?
Me: Ohio University
Them: Oh really! My son wants to go there. Everything he owns is all scarlet and grey! Go Bucks!
Me: That's actually Ohio State.
Them: And where do you go?
Me: Ohio University, we're the Bobcats, hunter green and white, in the hills of Athens. Ohio State is in Columbus.
Them: Oh well isn't that nice. And aren't you a dance major or something?
Me: Just fuck off.
In the borders of Ohio only Ohio State comes to mind when speaking of college. Come to think of it, outside Ohio only Ohio State is really known. It's commonly thought that Michigan is Ohio States rival, but I beg to differ. Michigan is basically part of Canada and nobody gives a fuck about some denim wearing, french fry and gravy eating canucks. I submit that Ohio University is not only a rival of Ohio State's, but I will show why it is better in every aspects. Or in most aspects. The Birth Place of Aviation can only have one premier school with its name. So let this be a battle to the death, two schools enter (and judged in several categories of interest by me), one school leaves! Welcome to Thunderdome!
HISTORY
Ohio State: In 1870 in accordance with the Morrill Act of 1862 the Ohio Agricultural and Mechanical College was formed. Originally situated in a farming community outside of Columbus the school was intended to lead students into several agricultural disciplines. In 1878 the school voted in favor of broadening the educational spectrum and later changed the name to the now familiar "The Ohio State University".
So, the school was started by a bunch of rednecks that felt they needed a college to teach their dumbass offspring how to operate a thresher without getting their dicks chopped off. Big mundane adventure there. When they finally decided that there's more to life than corn and lima beans they opened up the curriculum and basically added a couple words to the already successful Ohio University, who's history is as follows...
Ohio University: During the creation of the greatest nation on earth (maybe you've heard of it? it's a little thing called the United States of America!) the ordinance of 1787 called for the formation of educational institutions for the Northwest Territory, in order for its settlement and statehood. Halfway between Marietta and Chillicothe (the original capitol of Ohio) the school was placed to act as a gateway of higher learning to the west. Originally named American Western University it's true founding came on February 18, 1804 a year after Ohio was admitted to the union.
Without Ohio University there wouldn't have been an Ohio. Frontiersmen and Cowboys ripped through the great unknown, battling blood thirsty savages and grizzlies in order to create an institution that would guarantee statehood. It's name, coming roughly 75 years before the rip off artists Ohio State, shined as a beacon in the still uncharted lands that reflect the wild and rugged will and true spirit of every American.
Winner: Ohio University. It's history tears through Ohio State's like a dick hungry thresher.
ATHLETICS
Ohio State: A formidable opponent in most all varsity sports. Part of the Big Ten conference it is an annual powerhouse in Football and normally showcases a strong Basketball program. A program that will only become stronger after they acquire highschool phenom, and who I suspect of horse steroid useage, Greg Oden. You can see this monster learn his ABC's here.
OSU's athletic department has many awards and honors to its name. They boast five heismen winners, including the only two time winner Archie Griffin, as well as 7 recognized national championships in football. They also have such notable sports heroes as Jessie Owens, Jack Nicklaus and Woody Hayes.
However, with such a storied history its important to note that the Ohio State Athletics department is about as scrupulous as the Mafia. Most recently having to remove banners showing accomplishments for men's basketball teams that violated NCAA regulations. Along with numerous counts of bribery and improper funding allegations for their football team. Pretty much a testiment to having that "Hard Work" attitude Woody Hayes preached as Buckeye Head Coach, as well as outright cheating when hard work doesn't quite do it.
Ohio University: Ok, ok, no great history here. In 60 years of football in the MAC we're 178-226-12 with only 5 titles. But who beat the Pitt Panthers on national tv? The OU Bobcats. The Basketball team is at least in the positive with a career .564 winning percentage in 60 years of MAC play. As well as 11 NCAA appearences and 5 MAC tournament championships. But punter Dave Zastudil, an OU alum is now a Cleveland Brown, filling a gaping hole on special teams since Chris Gardocki left. What are we taling about now? Oh yeah, until we start cheating we won't be as good as Ohio State for awhile.
Winner: Ohio State. Could pummel OU in just about anything competitive but would most likely need boosters to help in some way.
ALUMNI
I was going to focus on academics but it's hard to gauge, with OU having arguably the best Journalism school in the country and OSU with its massive research center its kind of a wash. Especially since the students care about getting all sorts of fucked up and trying to get laid over any educational endeavor. Instead we take a look at which school makes the better product.
Ohio State:
Football Players: Cris Carter, Eddie George, Terry Glenn blah blah blah. We get it, the school is a mill for NFL talent. I won't bother listing all who made it to the holy land and got paid millions for performing such great feats as catching a ball and running with a ball. I will mention that most football players beat their wives and do drugs. And that's a fact I didn't even bother researching.
Bobby Knight: That asshole basketball coach that throws chairs and was given his own bullshit reality show on ESPN. He's stuck in Texas now which is a fate worse than death. You'll probably hear his name in some news report soon with the phrase "aggrivated assault".
R.L. Stine: Author of the children's series Goosebumps. His books became a fad somewhere between pogs and visors. He's been called the Stephen King for Young Adults although I think a better analogy would be the cancer for American literature. And he looks like a droopy nosferatu.
Jeffrey Dahmer: It should be noted that although he didn't graduate Dahmer did go on to become an infamous serial killer. Murdering 17 men, who were normally homosexual and Black or Asian, he would save the bodies, citing necrophillia as a motviation for killing. Also eating the bodies and storing heads in his refrigerator. An altar of candles and human skulls was found in his closet as well as several decaying bodies in acid vats. So we are sure at least one product of OSU fucks and eats dead people that he seduced and murdered. Go Bucks.
Other alumni include Maurice Clarett who is on trial for robbery, Paul F. Iams who makes dog food, and some people who won nobel prizes, like I care.
Ohio University:
Richard Dean Anderson: MacGyver Mother Fucker! The actor who portrayed the resourceful ex-special forces secret agent and later the lead role on Stargate SG-1 was embarking on his first missions at OU. I can't even imagine the inventive ways he'd break in to sorority houses and steal panties before making his escape by only using a nati light can, gum wrapper and the top half of a pineapple.
Peter King: Senior writer for Sports Illustrated and special analyst on HBO's Inside the NFL. He recently slimmed down from his former, more portly physique, to keep the long tradition of Ohio Universtiy producing sex symbols.
Paul Newman: Holy crap talk about sexy. The Cool Hand Luke and Color of Money star sweats sexuality, as well as being a total badass. He also only attended one year but instead of becoming a gay serial killer/cannibal he instead became one of the greatest actors of all time. And as legend has it he was asked to leave the school after rolling a keg down Jeff Hill into the presidents car. Love it, what a true role model.
Other notables include Arsenio Hall, Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson), George Voinovich and the Cleveland Browns new special teams stand-out punter Dave Zastudil. And let's all be serious, he really does fill a lot of needs for the Browns while taking away from the divisonal opponent Ravens, where he started his career. But I digress.
Winner: Ohio University. Actors and Sports stars who don't rob and murder people.
STUDENTS/STUDENT LIFE
Ohio State: Boasting the consdierably larger campus you are bound to find hundreds of people who have the same interests as you. As long as those interests are beer and Buckeye Football. If you like reading or have a different more focused passion than I hope you enjoy getting your ass kicked and being called a fag. Parties are large and often, but with a bigger student body there's always room for more assholes.
Ohio University: Smaller yet very active student body, you are just as likely to find as many people with interests similar to yourself. As long as those interests are beer. Yes, with a decline in athletics it leaves more time to focus on partying and drinking. Having one of the wildest street parties in the US on Halloween and being ranked as the 2nd largest party school in the nation (which is soon to be number one, thanks to faculty involvement) it's the place of choice to get crunk at.
Tie: College life is pretty much the same everywhere unless you are ivy league or at a community college.
Finally the most important division...
MASCOTS
Ohio State: Brutus the Buckeye? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Some monstrous human/nut hybrid. The most threatening thing is that it's poisinous or could possible clog a wind pipe. Hence the reason for creating the peanut butter and chocolate treat with the same name and appearance. Which is good because it matches the candy asses who attend OSU.
Ohio University: The majestic yet fearsome Bobcat. Indeginous to the region it has been hunted to low numbers making it endangered. However our Bobcat is equal parts stoned and depressed. A perfect mix for the whole college community.
Winner: Ohio U. The Buck lovin idiots to the north can kiss my ass.
The ultimate winner is of course Ohio University. Although this rivalry is far from being settled and even farther from being started, since nobody cares. At least both schools know they are infinitely better than Marietta College, more commonly known as Ohio's asshole. It's the town motto or something.
Them: What college are you in now?
Me: Ohio University
Them: Oh really! My son wants to go there. Everything he owns is all scarlet and grey! Go Bucks!
Me: That's actually Ohio State.
Them: And where do you go?
Me: Ohio University, we're the Bobcats, hunter green and white, in the hills of Athens. Ohio State is in Columbus.
Them: Oh well isn't that nice. And aren't you a dance major or something?
Me: Just fuck off.
In the borders of Ohio only Ohio State comes to mind when speaking of college. Come to think of it, outside Ohio only Ohio State is really known. It's commonly thought that Michigan is Ohio States rival, but I beg to differ. Michigan is basically part of Canada and nobody gives a fuck about some denim wearing, french fry and gravy eating canucks. I submit that Ohio University is not only a rival of Ohio State's, but I will show why it is better in every aspects. Or in most aspects. The Birth Place of Aviation can only have one premier school with its name. So let this be a battle to the death, two schools enter (and judged in several categories of interest by me), one school leaves! Welcome to Thunderdome!
HISTORY
Ohio State: In 1870 in accordance with the Morrill Act of 1862 the Ohio Agricultural and Mechanical College was formed. Originally situated in a farming community outside of Columbus the school was intended to lead students into several agricultural disciplines. In 1878 the school voted in favor of broadening the educational spectrum and later changed the name to the now familiar "The Ohio State University".
So, the school was started by a bunch of rednecks that felt they needed a college to teach their dumbass offspring how to operate a thresher without getting their dicks chopped off. Big mundane adventure there. When they finally decided that there's more to life than corn and lima beans they opened up the curriculum and basically added a couple words to the already successful Ohio University, who's history is as follows...
Ohio University: During the creation of the greatest nation on earth (maybe you've heard of it? it's a little thing called the United States of America!) the ordinance of 1787 called for the formation of educational institutions for the Northwest Territory, in order for its settlement and statehood. Halfway between Marietta and Chillicothe (the original capitol of Ohio) the school was placed to act as a gateway of higher learning to the west. Originally named American Western University it's true founding came on February 18, 1804 a year after Ohio was admitted to the union.
Without Ohio University there wouldn't have been an Ohio. Frontiersmen and Cowboys ripped through the great unknown, battling blood thirsty savages and grizzlies in order to create an institution that would guarantee statehood. It's name, coming roughly 75 years before the rip off artists Ohio State, shined as a beacon in the still uncharted lands that reflect the wild and rugged will and true spirit of every American.
Winner: Ohio University. It's history tears through Ohio State's like a dick hungry thresher.
ATHLETICS
Ohio State: A formidable opponent in most all varsity sports. Part of the Big Ten conference it is an annual powerhouse in Football and normally showcases a strong Basketball program. A program that will only become stronger after they acquire highschool phenom, and who I suspect of horse steroid useage, Greg Oden. You can see this monster learn his ABC's here.
OSU's athletic department has many awards and honors to its name. They boast five heismen winners, including the only two time winner Archie Griffin, as well as 7 recognized national championships in football. They also have such notable sports heroes as Jessie Owens, Jack Nicklaus and Woody Hayes.
However, with such a storied history its important to note that the Ohio State Athletics department is about as scrupulous as the Mafia. Most recently having to remove banners showing accomplishments for men's basketball teams that violated NCAA regulations. Along with numerous counts of bribery and improper funding allegations for their football team. Pretty much a testiment to having that "Hard Work" attitude Woody Hayes preached as Buckeye Head Coach, as well as outright cheating when hard work doesn't quite do it.
Ohio University: Ok, ok, no great history here. In 60 years of football in the MAC we're 178-226-12 with only 5 titles. But who beat the Pitt Panthers on national tv? The OU Bobcats. The Basketball team is at least in the positive with a career .564 winning percentage in 60 years of MAC play. As well as 11 NCAA appearences and 5 MAC tournament championships. But punter Dave Zastudil, an OU alum is now a Cleveland Brown, filling a gaping hole on special teams since Chris Gardocki left. What are we taling about now? Oh yeah, until we start cheating we won't be as good as Ohio State for awhile.
Winner: Ohio State. Could pummel OU in just about anything competitive but would most likely need boosters to help in some way.
ALUMNI
I was going to focus on academics but it's hard to gauge, with OU having arguably the best Journalism school in the country and OSU with its massive research center its kind of a wash. Especially since the students care about getting all sorts of fucked up and trying to get laid over any educational endeavor. Instead we take a look at which school makes the better product.
Ohio State:
Football Players: Cris Carter, Eddie George, Terry Glenn blah blah blah. We get it, the school is a mill for NFL talent. I won't bother listing all who made it to the holy land and got paid millions for performing such great feats as catching a ball and running with a ball. I will mention that most football players beat their wives and do drugs. And that's a fact I didn't even bother researching.
Bobby Knight: That asshole basketball coach that throws chairs and was given his own bullshit reality show on ESPN. He's stuck in Texas now which is a fate worse than death. You'll probably hear his name in some news report soon with the phrase "aggrivated assault".
R.L. Stine: Author of the children's series Goosebumps. His books became a fad somewhere between pogs and visors. He's been called the Stephen King for Young Adults although I think a better analogy would be the cancer for American literature. And he looks like a droopy nosferatu.
Jeffrey Dahmer: It should be noted that although he didn't graduate Dahmer did go on to become an infamous serial killer. Murdering 17 men, who were normally homosexual and Black or Asian, he would save the bodies, citing necrophillia as a motviation for killing. Also eating the bodies and storing heads in his refrigerator. An altar of candles and human skulls was found in his closet as well as several decaying bodies in acid vats. So we are sure at least one product of OSU fucks and eats dead people that he seduced and murdered. Go Bucks.Other alumni include Maurice Clarett who is on trial for robbery, Paul F. Iams who makes dog food, and some people who won nobel prizes, like I care.
Ohio University:
Richard Dean Anderson: MacGyver Mother Fucker! The actor who portrayed the resourceful ex-special forces secret agent and later the lead role on Stargate SG-1 was embarking on his first missions at OU. I can't even imagine the inventive ways he'd break in to sorority houses and steal panties before making his escape by only using a nati light can, gum wrapper and the top half of a pineapple.
Peter King: Senior writer for Sports Illustrated and special analyst on HBO's Inside the NFL. He recently slimmed down from his former, more portly physique, to keep the long tradition of Ohio Universtiy producing sex symbols.
Paul Newman: Holy crap talk about sexy. The Cool Hand Luke and Color of Money star sweats sexuality, as well as being a total badass. He also only attended one year but instead of becoming a gay serial killer/cannibal he instead became one of the greatest actors of all time. And as legend has it he was asked to leave the school after rolling a keg down Jeff Hill into the presidents car. Love it, what a true role model.Other notables include Arsenio Hall, Nancy Cartwright (voice of Bart Simpson), George Voinovich and the Cleveland Browns new special teams stand-out punter Dave Zastudil. And let's all be serious, he really does fill a lot of needs for the Browns while taking away from the divisonal opponent Ravens, where he started his career. But I digress.
Winner: Ohio University. Actors and Sports stars who don't rob and murder people.
STUDENTS/STUDENT LIFE
Ohio State: Boasting the consdierably larger campus you are bound to find hundreds of people who have the same interests as you. As long as those interests are beer and Buckeye Football. If you like reading or have a different more focused passion than I hope you enjoy getting your ass kicked and being called a fag. Parties are large and often, but with a bigger student body there's always room for more assholes.
Ohio University: Smaller yet very active student body, you are just as likely to find as many people with interests similar to yourself. As long as those interests are beer. Yes, with a decline in athletics it leaves more time to focus on partying and drinking. Having one of the wildest street parties in the US on Halloween and being ranked as the 2nd largest party school in the nation (which is soon to be number one, thanks to faculty involvement) it's the place of choice to get crunk at.
Tie: College life is pretty much the same everywhere unless you are ivy league or at a community college.
Finally the most important division...
MASCOTS
Ohio State: Brutus the Buckeye? You've got to be fucking kidding me. Some monstrous human/nut hybrid. The most threatening thing is that it's poisinous or could possible clog a wind pipe. Hence the reason for creating the peanut butter and chocolate treat with the same name and appearance. Which is good because it matches the candy asses who attend OSU.
Ohio University: The majestic yet fearsome Bobcat. Indeginous to the region it has been hunted to low numbers making it endangered. However our Bobcat is equal parts stoned and depressed. A perfect mix for the whole college community.
Winner: Ohio U. The Buck lovin idiots to the north can kiss my ass.
The ultimate winner is of course Ohio University. Although this rivalry is far from being settled and even farther from being started, since nobody cares. At least both schools know they are infinitely better than Marietta College, more commonly known as Ohio's asshole. It's the town motto or something.
Jay Runner wrote this piece of shit at 6:55 PM
3 Horrible Comments:
Just reguarding your initial conversation between you and "them" confusing OSU with OU. Umm, that's never happened to me. Ever. I grew up in Columbus, and when I go back home, everyone asks what college I go to. I say OU or Ohio University and their usual response is "Wow, Athens is such a great campus" or something about OU being the number 2 party school. Just for the record, maybe I'm the only one, but I've never known anyone who didn'd know the difference.
PS--
"In the borders of Ohio only Ohio State comes to mind when speaking of college. Come to think of it, outside Ohio only Ohio State is really known"
What the hell are you talking about? People outside the state have no clue who OU is compared to OSU. OSU has the NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED Buckeyes. I don't just say this because I'm a fan - but I'm willing to put money on if you ask someone outside of Ohio what Ohio University's mascot is, they're going to say "Buckeyes?" if you ask them where Ohio University is located, they will probably say Columbus.
I admit I may have been wrong in my previous post about no one confusing the two, honestly, it's early and I wasn't thinking of people outside Ohio. But seriously, this statement is completely idiotic. Outside of Ohio, OSU is much more widely known than OU.
Man, where do I begin. Ok first off read the quote you took from my post, which you already quoted, one more time. It says "outside ohio only OHIO STATE is really known". You then went on to argue that same point. It must not only have been early when you read my post but I am assuming you also took on massive head trauma. God I hope all our readers aren't this dumb.
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